I've started this particular post about 17 times before finally deciding to actually do it. I realize my blog is mainly focused on Luke right now, which is good. I don't scrapbook, and I've gotten really lazy when it comes to keeping a journal, so this is the closest thing I will have as far as documenting important events. Aside from just the fun events and updates, I realized this might be the only record I have of my feelings as well. Since this is mostly for personal records, (as much fun as it is to share fun things with everyone), I decided I need to blog about this specific thing, so that I remember it in the future.
I am a small town girl. I LOVE the street I grew up on. I was able to ride my bike with my friends around the whole block, waving to the majority of the neighbors as we rode by. I LOVE that I was able to play night games anywhere in the valley without my parents being worried about being in "that neighborhood" after dark. I LOVE the feelings of friendship and care from a whole community of supporters and friends. I LOVE that the main street in my town only had 3 stop lights growing up (now it has more) and limited choices of where to eat. (We didn't need many choices, Dairy Keen was always our #1.) I LOVE that I know the name/face of every single person in my grade, even if we never hung out together. I LOVE that even though there were small clicks in my high school, it never got to the point of bullying and fights because we cared about each other. I LOVE that all you have to do is say the name of your parents and people know who you are. I LOVE the fact that "traffic" in a small town means 5 extra minutes to get home because there were 5 extra cars on Main Street. I LOVE how everyone goes to high school sports games and everyone goes to the parades. I LOVE how my whole family lived in the same town, making it easy on Holidays, or even for Sunday dinner every once in a while. I LOVE how your doctor or dentist or teacher can also be your bishop or sunday school teacher. I LOVE how it takes 20 minutes tops to get from one point of town to the other. I LOVE that you have to travel atleast 20-45 minutes to get to actual restraunts and malls. I LOVE that when you go to the store, you wave or smile at almost everyone you pass because you know them. I LOVE the summers full of fairs, carnivals, and parades. I LOVE that my whole life I was able to live in places like this.
I could go on and on about Heber and Cedar City and the things I love about them. I miss the little things, and the big things. I feel SO blessed to have been born and raised in a place like that. It's very hard for me to accept the fact that my children might not have these experiences. Although I know my husband didn't have them, and he loves HIS city like I love my own. Maybe we can incorporate each others' loves into one that meets our families needs together. I know we're where we are supposed to be, but this move has been without a doubt the toughest thing emotionally that I've ever been through. Now i haven't had the worst of trials in my life, and I know for a fact most people have had to deal with a lot more than I have. But I do feel like the trials I've faced have strengthened me in my own terms, after I have come to accept and deal with them. This is one that is taking much longer to accept and deal with.
I have a very understanding and amazing husband. My little boy is without a doubt THE cutest thing to ever have been born. (I know this is a fact, no fighting this....:) ) We are now financially able to buy a house and start saving. I am able to apply to a school that isn't available everywhere, and continue my education. There are opportunities here for Luke and our future children that they wont have anywhere else. We are all (for the most part) happy and healthy. These are the positives I am currently focusing on. Little by little, I hope that my prayers, my positive thoughts, and counting my many blessings will pay off. I want to be able to LOVE my new home because it's where I am building my life with my loves. Though I know it will never fill the place in my heart that my home town does, I've realized that is okay. You can love two different places for two different reasons.... right?
P.S. As I said earlier, this is mostly for personal records. Sorry for the over-flow of emotion in this post.
2 comments:
Amen, Kylie. Good post. :)
You know I probably understand how you feel more than probably anybody else. I promise that it will get easier, and better. It definitely takes time. It took a whole year for me. Positive thinking will help for sure, and you're always welcome to come to our house if you're ever lonely!
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