This is going to be long because I want to remember so much of this past week. So if you're reading, know that this is mostly for personal records so there will be lots of details.
After Ali's blessing, we loaded my mom's car with a lot of stuff and ourselves and hitched a ride to Heber. The kids and I would spend a week with her, then Drew would drive up and spend Mother's Day with us. We would be able to talk to my brother, Gavin, on a mission, and see all our family. It was a great trip and definitely one I will never forget. Mother's Day was great and it was so fun to see family on both sides. It was also great to skype with Gav and see how well he's doing. A day full of lots of love and being thankful for family. Especially because I lost my dear grandpa in the night after Mother's Day.
My grandpa lived right up the road from me my whole life. I was so thankful for that. I didn't realize how blessed I was until later in life when I realized most of my friends didn't even have one grandparent near by, let alone most in the same town. My grandpa was a simple and mostly quiet man. Though when he did have something to say, it was something profound and or funny. :) He had his own language, and I'll never forget his funny words like, "critter, fark (instead of fork), or somethink." His love for nature was something I always loved, because I'm the same way. He practically lived in the forest, and was happiest there. I'll always remember our many liver pool card games, our picnics at Whiskey Springs, and drives through the mountains. Most of all I'll remember his laugh and his big hugs. I wish I could have one now...but someday I will be able to have one again.
My grandpa had been sick for about a year after being diagnosed with a disease which is basically "asbestos in his lungs". He worked at Geneva Steal while going to BYU as a young man, and that is where he attracted the disease. It doesn't manifest for many many years. He has been worse the past couple of months and a few weeks ago (right after Ali was born when I was in Heber) he was put on Hospice. On oxygen and not able to go anywhere except basically his bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and back deck. He was still happy as ever and NEVER complained. I saw him 3 times last week. And each time he seemed okay. We ate dinner together, talked, and played with Luke. On Mother's Day morning, he woke up and went to the computer. He wrote my grandma the SWEETEST letter you could ever imagine. She shared it with close friends and family members as we visited with him through out the day. After he wrote the letter, he went and had breakfast on the deck, and after that, slowly started losing his energy. He went to lay down in his bedroom, and after not being able to get up anymore, hospice brought him a hospital bed. He was able to skype with my little brother, Gav, who was one of his best buddies. Gavin had a hard time seeing my grandpa not able to talk much, and it was a tearful goodbye. Grandpa asked my dad for a "blessing of release" and my brother's and Drew participated. At the time of the blessing I was still at my grandpa and grandma Mair's house with the Davis side of the family. But when the boys came back from giving the blessing, they were in tears, and Drew told me I better get up there. So I hurried and fed Ali, then went up to see my grandpa (which would also be telling him goodbye.) I went back into his bedroom and saw him laying there resting, and I could see his chest working so hard to breathe. He opened his eyes and I told him it was me. He said, "You are so beautiful. More beautiful every day." Then he tried to just have normal conversation, asking me where Luke was and when we had to go back to Las Vegas. He kept closing his eyes to rest, then would open them to smile at me. I kept telling him it was okay to rest, and eventually he said, "I might fall asleep on you." So I told him I would let him sleep and that I loved him. "I love you too" were the last words I heard from him. So SO thankful that I got to see him and share those precious words and moments. He passed away 5 short hours later with my dad and grandma holding his hand.
My grandpa had pretty much planned his funeral and talked with my dad about what he wanted said and heard. He had asked that I sing, "Be Still, My Soul", because "my voice was his favorite." When my grandma asked me, I told her I would try my hardest. All week I practiced to try and get through the song without crying. I couldn't really do it, even just practicing. The day of the funeral I said a prayer that my grandpa would be with me and that I could get through it enough to get the message across and make him proud. I tried to think of Ellen Degenerous and it was working...for the first two versus. But as I prepared to sing the last verse, I thought about the words and my grandpa and I half cried half sang the last verse. I got the words out though, and that was the most important thing. My grandma thanked me and I am glad I could do it for her, and for my grandpa. The grandson's also sang, "If You Could Hie to Kolob" and it was beautiful. My aunt and my dad spoke, and gave excellent talks, quoting excerpts from my grandpa's detailed journal. I have learned through reading his journal how alike we are. I wish we could have had more deep conversations, and had I known a lot of things his journal is telling me, I would have made sure of it. His love for the mountains, valleys and wildlife (especially of Heber), the gospel, and his family are amazing. Almost intertwined and all connected. That's why I know I'm his granddaughter, because those three things are also connected in my eyes. He talked about his family in almost every journal entry, and I know how much he loved us. My grandpa told my dad what he wanted said at his funeral and even wrote down most of it. Expressing his love for his family and his testimony. I was so thankful he did that so we could hear it one last time.
Here is a video I will cherish forever of my grandpa talking to my family (Chad Jones family reunion) in Capitol Reef last August. We have gone to Capitol Reef with the entire Jones side multiple times throughout my life and now we are making it a tradition in our family.
*The video won't work. :( He talks about how important we are for him, and though we don't know it he prays for us daily. And to always stay close and cherish family time.
This true cowboy needed horses to take him to the cemetary.
Grandsons
A beautiful day to celebrate a beautiful man who LOVED his beautiful valley :)
All of Grandpa's grandchildren besides two serving missions.
A friend of my aunt's wrote this on facebook:
It truly is interesting how oblivious we are or can be in our youth and as we mature realize the true blessings of people who have crossed our paths and impacted our lives. How years later we can look back and see how people provided us with amazing examples of how to love, how to parent, what kind of friend to be, how to walk in the steps of our creator, be good citizens, loving neighbors, the list is really endless. I think this is truly a great time in my life because I am able to see so many amazing blessings that intersected my life and so many amazing teachers. This is heavy on my heart today because one such man has gone onto heaven who provided many of these examples. When I was young I knew there was something distinctly different about him and how lucky my friend was to be part of such a loving family, but it wasn't until many years later when this process began that I realized he was not only a man who truly walked in the footsteps of Christ and had a fierce love for his family, making my friend very blessed, but that everyone who knew him and and his family, were also extremely blessed. And I am praying that God will be with this entire family replacing their grief with warm memories and an outpouring of love from everyone who was also touched by him!
So many people loved my grandpa, and he truly was an amazing man. One of my heroes, whom I cannot wait to see again. So glad I have the knowledge that I will be reunited with him one day. Love you gramps! Thanks for teaching me so much more than you'll ever know. I hope to follow in your example and touch as many lives as you did.
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
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