My parents were very good at helping me feel talented and beautiful my whole life. They helped me try lots of different things to discover my talents, then helped me in achieving many goals and accomplishments. It wasn't until recently, I started feeling kinda worthless. (For lack of a better word.) I know I have talents and I know lots of other things my parents (and now Drew) help(ed) me believe about myself.
But I'm feeling completely stuck right now. I know being a wife and mother and holding 3 part-time jobs isn't worthless. I know that motherhood is a HUGE gift and a huge job, and I am thankful for my children every minute of every day. I have my Associates degree. I have my Medical Assistant certification. I have my phlebotomy certification. I teach piano lessons. I do eyelash extensions. I work front desk at an Ultrasound studio. I cook (sometimes), clean (sometimes) and play with my kids every day.
But for some reason, it's not enough. I keep going back and forth on finishing school, and always come to the conclusion that it's not time. But then a few months pass by and I just feel like THIS again. It's even more depressing when I look at my Associates degree/credits and realize I was .this. close to getting into a Nursing or Ultrasound program. It's what I wanted my whole life but for one reason or another didn't do. I love being a Medical Assistant, especially in the OB/Pediatric fields, and could maybe be happy doing that forever. I'm being trained to do 3D ultrasounds (for entertainment purposes only), but do I need to diagnostic ultrasounds to feel accomplished?
Am I just being human or is this a real problem? Do I NEED to become a nurse or a diagnostic ultrasound tech to fill the void I keep feeling?
Those are the questions I can't seem to answer. Anyone want to help me figure it out? ;)
In the mean time, I will continue on with the things I am proud to have. But I'm also going to accomplish these things this year:
Write some new music
Finish AT LEAST a half, but hopefully a full, marathon
Continue with my established work-out/training regimen and healthy eating
Read a new book each month
Finish the Book of Mormon
Take time with each of my kids each day (doesn't matter what fills the time or how long...just take time.)
Pray with my husband every day
Attend the temple every month
And finally:
STOP being so hard on myself. ;)
3 comments:
You are a beautiful and most talented lady, so yes, stop being so hard on yourself!! (And if it means anything--I guess it's great that I have a BS, but Dental Hygiene wasn't "fulfilling" for me.. I don't know if that is helpful or not... Because everyone is different that way--haha... But, it is what it is, so I thought I'd share. I find way more fulfillment in mama-hood. xo
Yes, stop being so hard on yourself..You are an ELECT lady...special, in so many ways. YOU are a child of GOD & that alone makes you special. I love you very much, my 1st born Granddaughter & hope each day, spent w/your children is a new adventure, cherish each day. They pass so quickly. ALOHA, Grandma Hawaii
Human. Don't stress girl! We are SO YOUNG! We have plenty of time to do and accomplish things :) just be happy :D
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